Underneath it all

(click on photo to make larger)

At 29 years old, I still fight with insecurities. Take a look at the above photo, my right eye (left in photo) is bigger than my left eye (right in photo). When I was little I had a lazy eye and had to go to therapy to make it stronger. You can't really tell that I have one eye bigger than the other or that I have a lazy eye, but I still know these things.

When I was five I was playing chase in someone house and tripped and my face hit a glass coffee table. I had a scar, an ugly scar from under my eye all the way to my chin. Thankfully, my Nana did not want me to live with this ugly scar and paid for me to have plastic surgery (skin graft). After the surgery I was left with a scar shaped like the letter Z. You can't really see the scar unless I cry because it turns red or if I point it out to you.

I grew up having image issues because I was a ballerina and we had to be (look) a certain way. I was told that my hips where too big. That I was too short and that I could never be a professional ballerina. Everyday it was a battle for me to look this part that I wasn't even sure I wanted. I worked so hard to please everyone and show them that I had it in me to be a professional ballerina, but still my best was never good enough. You're too fat, they would tell me. You're not good enough for this and you should just stop now. I can't even begin to tell you what that did to me and how it still effects my life today. One day my whole world was shattered when I hurt myself and was told I could no longer dance. Everything that I worked so hard for was now gone and I was left with nothing but an eating disorder. 

I have issues and things I have been through,but we all have our stories.

Underneath it all I know that I am lovely.

Comments

[Hazel]

Yes, you are absolutely lovely! Inside and out. And very strong to share this. You're a beauty, Vivs.

~hugs,
hazel

[Liz]

I think you're gorgeous and would have made an amazing ballerina. I got kicked out of ballet class when I was about 6 for talking too much LOL.

[CaL]

You are lovely...I am so glad you have this blog of your own to saw what you want & how you want it. I took ballet when I was young & was told I was too big & tall for ballet...it was horrible how mean they can be to sweet little girls...
Love yah.

[Sarah]

thank you for sharing. you make me feel bette and ecourage me to just live and deal with my issues.

[Lara]

screw them, you're beautiful :)